Super Bowl wagers gone bad: Milwaukee and Pittsburgh museums get down and dirty

The directors of museums in Milwaukee and Pittsburgh have decided to spice things up a bit by wagering a three-month loan of French Impressionist paintings.
Pierre-Auguste Renoir’s “Bathers with Crab” (pictured above) is being put on the line by the Carnegie Museum of Art in Pittsburgh, which is being matched by Gustave Caillebotte’s “Boating on the Yerres” (pictured below) from the Milwaukee Art Museum.
Very exciting stuff. This makes those lame mayoral bets that you see for every major championship game seem like a seedy back-alley bet with a bookie.
These guys clearly need some help. I’ve got a few suggestions here for how to make this bet a little more interesting.
1. Change the wager should be changed from a three-month loan to permanent ownership. The threat of actually losing a valuable painting will get you a little more television coverage and get the public more invested in the story.
2. Exchange the currently wagered paintings with something that is supposed to be a part of an exhibition.
“Both museums wanted to put up a great work of art and something that would definitely be missed from the collection,” said Ellen Page, a spokeswoman for the Carnegie Museum.
That’s not a bad idea, but she then stated that the Carnegie Museum had to look for a work that wasn’t already committed to an upcoming exhibition or educational program.
Screw that. The idea of having to scramble to find a piece of work to replace the lost work in the exhibition will stir up the passions of the art fans of your city.
Also, where’s the talk trash? This smack is weak:
“We let the excellence of our football team, and our collection, speak for itself,” Lynn Zelevansky, Director of the Carnegie Museum said. “It will be my great pleasure to see the Caillebotte from the Milwaukee Art Museum hang in our galleries.”
Daniel Keegan, Milwaukee museum director, responded:

“I’m confident that we will be enjoying the Renoir from Carnegie Museum of Art very soon. I look forward to displaying it where the public can enjoy it and be reminded of the superiority of the Green Bay Packers.”
This is just terrible trash talk. Have you learned nothing from Chael Sonnen, Muhammad Ali, or the New York Jets? Trash talk makes everything a little more interesting.
So, let’s pick it up a notch here. I’ll start you off.
Ms. Zelevansky: Your Caillebotte’s commitment to “optical truth” is subjacent and has a less vibrant palette than Pissarro.
Mr. Keegan: Your Renoir is tepid and unworthy of being hung in the worst brothel in France.
Feel free to step it up from there.
Employing these suggestions will make you wager more interesting and keep you from being relentlessly mocked for a lame bet.
You’re welcome!